


I Still Love You

by Sebbychansaysmomentai



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: JeanxMarco - Freeform, M/M, Romance, jean Marco, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 21:42:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4115893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sebbychansaysmomentai/pseuds/Sebbychansaysmomentai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco leaves Jean before the big battle in Trost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Still Love You

Regardless of how painful it was to do, I don't regret ending my relationship with Jean. 

The night of our choosing ceremony, the two of us were absolutely excited when hearing our names announced in the top 10. Jean would always tell me how stoked he was to join the MP's ever since I first told him I wished to do the same. Though he constantly showed a strong and angry exterior, Jean could be such a child at times and it made my heart flutter with adorableness. 

He wouldn't stop pouting after finding out that Eren had scored above him. It was like dealing with a two-year-old who didn't receive the toy they wanted. I had to kiss him to shut him up, but that was nothing new. 

Reluctantly, I asked Mikasa to help me prepare a romantic dinner for the two of us after learning Jean and I would be in the Military Police together. She had Connie keep Jean busy as the two of us cooked with what little food we had. Well, it was more like Mikasa cooked and shushed me anytime I asked to assist her. Armin managed to find a way to smuggle some candles for effect and we used Sasha's magical food powers to find and steal dessert from a commanding officer's room.

Eren and Armin were then given the task of keeping Sasha from eating the potato dinner Mikasa prepared, which I was later told was extremely difficult. 

Coincidentally, that night was also our one year anniversary together. After bunking with him and having to deal with him daily, I fell terribly in love with Jean. He would jokingly claim the only reason we were together was that he wanted to one day count every freckle I had, which would require me to be naked. According to him one can't do that and still be 'friends'. He eventually lost count after I took off my shirt on our 6 month anniversary and told me it was too difficult a task, especially when neither of us could stop blushing every time he touched me and he would have to restart his counting. 

Mikasa once overheard Jean telling me this and for one small second, her usual blank stare faltered and I saw an embarrassed blush and smile. She was trying to hide this same expression as she prepared dinner and Armin kept asking me about what Jean and I planned to do after we finished eating. He could be such an embarrassment sometimes, especially when Jean came up. He knew from our first day of training that I liked Jean, even before I knew.

Once everything was put together, we sent Sasha after Connie by telling her he had food to bring Jean back to our bunk. By the time he arrived, everyone was lined at the door like waiters and waitresses at a fancy restaurant and I was sat at a makeshift table waiting for him.

I would never forget the look on his face upon entering and seeing what our friends had done for us. He sat down across from me and smiled with so much warmth I couldn't deny how happy he was. Eren had to stifle a snort at seeing Jean smile, as did everyone else. They never believed me when I told them how sweet and kind Jean really was, but that smile was undeniable. His amber eyes appeared to be melted tree sap or maple syrup, and I remembered how he once told me about how much he missed maple syrup back home. His cheeks were the color of summer roses in Jinae, and it was difficult not to be happy in that moment.

The best part was when he kissed me. It lasted forever and I had to regretfully pull away with firey cheeks and whisper to him that our mesmerized friends were watching and we had dinner to eat. 

Mikasa announced to the group that it was time to leave and was appearing far more flustered than me. Each of our friends walked away in a silent embarrassment as Jean sat down at our makeshift table with his same beautiful smile and kissed me across it again, and this time neither of us wanted to pull away.

Dinner was perfect thanks to Mikasa and so were the events afterwards. I hadn't felt so happy for a long while. The next morning we woke to sounds of screams.

It took a minute to realize, but I was the one screaming. It was what drove me to decide I should break up with Jean. I knew something awful was going to happen, and it was confirmed when we were told of the Trost invasion. I was hoping to join the MP's that day with Jean but instead we had to fight titans as inexperienced newbies. 

If things did not happen the way they did, I was planning to apologize to Jean about the things I told him and beg him to take me back. That is, if Jean was still alive when things had settled.

I never imagined it would be me who would end up dying alone. I broke up with him that morning after the announcement was made that we would have to fight. I was expecting that in the heat of battle he would get hotheaded and fly ahead of everyone else, ending up in some blocked off alleyway alone and out of working blades, maybe even out of gas like the idiot he is.

But regardless of my valid explanations, the tears in my eyes as well as Jean's were painful. We were in love and no one wanted it to end. I knew that morning when I awoke screaming that someone was going to die, yet I couldn't explain it. I was selfish and did not believe it was me who would die, for I had Jean to live for.

But against all beliefs and premonitions, it was me who became stranded in some blocked off street, out of gas and heart racing faster than biologically possible, having only a bent blade to defend myself with. 

Before we left to fight with our squadrons, we shared a kiss like no other. Jean would not let go of me and he couldn't stop crying and his lips were trembling as he clumsily smashed them into mine, hoping that both of us would make it out alive so we could be together. I did not know for sure it would be my last kiss when it happened but I felt like it would be, so I hung onto Jean and weeped until the moment we had to dispatch. 

And as I sat fear-stricken in an exit less corner of the street with a broken ankle and a titan stomping forward, I thought about nothing but Jean. I wondered if he did the same, and in some twisted way I hoped he was going to die too so we could see each other in heaven. Jean once told me only goody two shoes like me get into heaven, not bad boys like him. I responded by saying that if God wouldn't have my bad boy, then he clearly wasn't a very good diety.

With the remaining energy I had left, I screamed Jean's name as the titan slowly lifted me towards its mouth. I was expecting to be dropped into is throat, causing me no pain, but instead he bit me. I surprisingly did not feel any pain as his teeth collided with my body, but rather felt the weight of Jean's arms around me, apologizing for not saving me.

"It's okay" I whispered as my body fell towards the ground. I hoped someone would understand that my last words meant more than that. It wasn't just a simple "it's okay" but rather a final "I love you, Jean".

Its okay that I died, for it meant someone else didn't. It's okay I wasn't able to be with Jean forever because someone better than me now had that opportunity. It's okay that my last kiss with my love was a clumsy one because it was still perfect.

By the time my body collided with the asphalted street, I was already dead. Jean of all people was the one who found my eaten body and I couldn't bear the look in his eyes as he stared in disbelief.

Did you know I was holding your hand as we stared at what I became? It wasn't as lonely as you thought my darling, for in my last moments I was thinking of only you. I kissed your cheek as you started to cry and heard you curse at the woman who scribbled down my name on her notepad. I laid with you that night in bed and cried with you because I could never kiss you again. I wanted to laugh when you screamed the number 315 out loud and told me that's how many freckles you counted. You said it was supposed to be on my birthday card which was only a few months away. I was still there when you told me that you were planning to propose on my birthday, so that every year our engagement anniversary would be an even more special celebration. I was listening when you cursed me for breaking up with you because it was the last moment we shared.

I do not regret breaking up with you my darling, for now you have nothing holding you back. I was watching when you joined the scouts with our friends in my honor, and in that moment, I was able to spread my angel wings and fly. We may no longer be together, but I still love you. I will always love you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments make me happy and tell me how I can improve as a writer. Don't forget to momentai!!!


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